So what do you want to do with your degree?

This was the question asked of us today in our Learning Through the Workplace lecture and workshop.

I have known since going to tribunal over a year ago that being in front of a judge, fighting for justice and winning, was definitely what I wanted to do. So in my mind, advocacy and pleading seem like the likely path I want to take. Mooting only confirmed this, as even as the party in the wrong, I still managed to convince our tutor, my Lord, Hannah, to give me my best grade of the year… a shiny 70.

And yet, as we were tasked to look at what the future might hold for us, I found myself being discouraged by the usual demons: time, money, ability, and competition.

Although I am in a rush to be able to stand on my own in front of a judge, realistically this might not happen for another five years, and that is if the path is clear. My mum used to ask me when I was younger, when I was upset at a setback, if it would matter in five years. If the answer was yes, then I would deal with it, but if the answer was no, then no energy would be put into it. Patience is a virtue, and I feel that the time I now have to reach this goal is not a setback as such but an opportunity to grasp and to utilise to my benefit. This could mean so much more experience than my peers. This could also mean time to reflect and address my directions.

Money will always be an issue, and while I wish I had a rich husband and unlimited funds, it is unfortunately not the case. Studying comes at a cost, and can this investment be worth it? I guess if I was in a position where my family was not complete, then I would think twice. But being done with childbearing and entering the world with this freedom, I am confident that this investment will bring dividends.

I have always doubted my ability to shine. To be capable of learning and reasoning, to analyse and understand, to produce excellent work, this has always been the scariest part. I know deep down that I am so capable, yet I find it hard to believe I can do it. When those doubts show their ugly faces, I remind myself of all I have already achieved and how far I have come from the scared young girl I once was, leaving France to come study in England with nothing but school English.

And of course, there is competition. I have made a career of encouraging others to be the best. Many times, I have sat back and let others take the front seat, perhaps to be liked or to be safe. Competition these days is fierce, especially in this industry, but unlike in the past when I would have been discouraged, I feel more than ever ready to fight for my space, ready to show the world that I have more than what it takes and that I can bring a whole life of experience to a role that needs compassion and understanding.

So, looking at being a barrister in the future, I want to believe that this is not a faraway dream but a reality that will come, and that by taking a slightly longer route, I will be more than ready for it.

And if not, there’s always the noble profession of becoming a tea tester, I’ve certainly had enough practice revising with endless cups! 🍵