Be proud of you you want to be.

 I know that the opinion of others should not come as an obstacle to success, yet I cannot stop myself from wondering what people are thinking when they meet me for the first time.

I wonder if they see the woman first? The mother? The wife? The teacher? The student?

I wonder in which capacity they envisage our interaction, and if I will be an added value or a no bother?

We all want to be seen as valuable, as wanted and needed. But in what role?

Usually, I can tell by where I stand and can adapt well to fit what is expected of me — but lately, I’ve found that this particular thought brings discomfort.

Why should I change to adapt, and not the other way around? Why should I feel embarrassed by my characteristics depending on the company? And why are those particular traits seen with wariness?

Skills and experience are by far what make a person desirable professionally — and interesting, at least, personally. So why are we constantly selecting who to be, just to fit in?

Sitting, wondering who to be and when, can be truly exhausting. And finding your people — those with whom you can be whole — can also be a challenge. So I have decided to be more.

More than just who I am expected to be. More than what I have been trying to portray. And I have seen changes in response that were surprising.

Experiment one: talk about my art.
I love painting, drawing, and designing. I’m not super good, but decent in a naïve way. My style is pretty, but not exceptional — and I’m happy with it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m okay.

Up until now, I’ve replied negatively to people when they complimented me. But no longer. This time, the first person to compliment — I’ll get them to commission, and get paid!

That being said, promoting your own work is hard. But not impossible. And when the opportunity arose, I was ready to grab it.

A colleague wanted me to design a tattoo for him. An octopus.
I was nervous. And he loved it. I was chuffed.

A few days later, he asked if I could do another commission.

I just want to be seen as added value. To be appreciated and recognised by peers — and to never feel ashamed of my hard work.